Your family's business is killing me
What happens if you take a job in your spouse’s family business and then you realize you want out?
Tough luck buddy, you’re stuck.
Well, that’s not entirely true. You can get out but expect some hard feelings, especially if you’ve been complaining and family feuds are starting to percolate.
I got a letter from a reader recently that exemplifies a common problem when it comes to family businesses – it’s hard to just up and leave.
Mark wrote me the following:
“I left a job to work for my wife’s Aunt and Uncle in a totally different career field, which includes packing up and moving my family but I feel I have wasted 2 years of my life and it is very frustrating. With out going into detail everything that was discussed and agreed upon before accepting the job has flown out the window and ultimately I need to get out for my mental and physical well being. What advice do you have for a situation like this? I want to get back into the field I was in but I am facing the hurdle of being out of it for 2 years!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated and thank you for your time.”
I figured I needed to consult big guns to answer poor Mark’s question. So I called
Joseph H. Astrachan, a family business guru and professor at Coles College of Business at Kennesaw State University.
His first piece of advice was brilliant. Talk to your wife and make sure she’s on board with your decision to leave.
Once that happens, figure out what the business needs for you to step out of your position, Astrachan maintains. If that means finding a new employee to fill your shoes then so be it. And don’t leave until that person is really ready to take on your role.
With your plan in hand, head to the table with the aunt and uncle.
Tell them, Astrachan advises, “I’m very unhappy and it’s not in everybody's long-term interest for me to continue to be here.”
I was worried that Mark’s in-laws would feel slighted because he’s dogging the very company they put their hearts and souls into.
To that, Astrachan says, Mark has to be diplomatic in how he conveys his unhappiness and his decision to move on. You can use words like, “I love what you do, but I don’t love doing what you do.”
And for those of you out there that are thinking of joining a family business, Astrachan says you should make sure the expectations for the job and compensation are very clear.
“With family members it’s taken for granted that they’ll make good on their promises, some day,” he adds. “Unfortunately, a family member is the least likely to complain and unlike a non-family business you just can’t walk away.”
